Falling apart? Read this.

The rage was sometimes overwhelming.

It bubbled up, and up and up. I watched the global madness unfold before me, before us all and felt incredibly helpless to do anything about it.

People thought what they thought about “it all”, and not only was I in no position to change their minds, I stopped being certain that I knew any better.

I’m sure you’ve been in various places like this. The key, of course, is how we handle it after the initial fall out.

Underneath those feelings for me, and it took some inquiry, were things I wasn’t willing to look at in my own life.

Losses of power, integrity, my word. My energy sank, and I withdrew. Many didn’t hear from me for months. (Some were concerned I’d actually died. You never know these days.)

I was healing and raging and huddling in a proverbial corner trying to make sense of the seeming senselessness.

It often felt like doing it alone was better. Because I didn’t have the words – all I had was “WHAT THE FUUUUUUUUCK is going on?!”

My negativity, my purge, was ugly and messy and tearful. It was basically gross. And I was disgusted with myself most days.

We have all been being purged. All of us have been being cleaned. And some take it better than others. Some have had horrendous conditions overcome us, deaths of loved ones, concerns about how to actually get better if we got better.
All normal –


Some of you have had massive “gift activations.”

Those gifts come with great responsibility, and if you’re finally hearing your guides, angels, etc., it can be really unnerving.

Do you feel like there’s something constantly watching / listening? hehe.

What now? you think.

Can you run from this? Can you hide? I mean, no. No you can’t.

This is one of the charms of moving along with your abilities. You are part of something greater than yourself, and showing up for yourself and your natural abilities will mean you begin to rejoin the posse you’re part of and maybe are just now getting to know.

Hey everyone!

I once read a book which described the healing and evolution of a soul aka ALCHEMY.

The author spoke about the impossibility of choosing when you’d get a “scrub-down.” You get to choose when you “go up” to the “higher” realms, but not when you went down…

This in and of itself is a doozy.

Not only do you not know when you’ll be going through a purge, but you also don’t know how long you’ll stay there.

FUN!

What can you do?

In two words: surrender and find gratitude, even when you find yourself crawling. (Because hell is a slow process indeed – and we will “descend” there throughout our lives more than once. So learn to get as comfy as possible.)

After my total dissociation from the real world – well, as much as a one with responsibilities can – I slowly began to feel clearer.

A lot of work had been done, conscious and unconscious. A lot of self scrubbing, mental, emotional and physical – yes, a cleanse I’m still moving through – has been very very good.

Gratitude was REALLY hard to find. I mean, really really hard. And I have SO much to be thankful for.

This lack of gratitude said something key to me: I was actively replaying my internal victim, even tho some of the stuff I was purging was like – yeah, you were a victim! – but still, we get to transmute that when ready. We need to. We don’t want to live with that. We really don’t.

So sometimes gratitude is a byproduct of healing some major boulders. Sometimes we can’t find it.

Ok. Fall down and cry for as long as you can. Just go for it.

It will eventually feel better, and you will eventually find a light to follow – no matter how small. You will. I know it. Because I know how low I’ve felt, and how high I eventually felt – with lots of inbetweens every day.

We get to keep growing if we allow – and the payment is total total anihilation of our bullshit. All of it. It has to go.

Even if you were 100% right in your rage, and your fear, and your victimhood. You’re right. Now what?

Nobody will give you your freedom. Go and take it.

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