Healing our Connection as Women

Speaking about the challenges women face in relationships with other women, be they friendship, family or love, can be daunting.

As gender ideology and arguing seems to be ever present, we are often told to pick a side, to alienate opposing perspectives, to become less sensitive to the plights of others, when, as women, we are naturally predisposed to understand it all.

Women are powerful.

We hold the natural ability to not only understand and empathize but to neutralize conflict through compassion.

It is a built-in ability, one we have only to accept and help cultivate within ourselves.

This is not to say that men do not have this ability. Many do. I am merely stressing the importance of understanding, as women, our natural disposition.

Through our own pain, through our own suffering, we grow the ability to see another and their pain. This is both a gift and a challenge, so we need to help support one another in this endeavor. It is what heals everything.
History has not been kind to women, to people of a lesser “status”, and this has caused a lot of unfortunate relationship patterns for us all.

Jealousy, fear of strength, insecurity and more, have been a plight in the cultivation of healthy boundaries, healthy interactions and healthy families.
Where we have been abused, we have often become the abusers ourselves, hurting others in order not to be hurt. This is a pattern we see everywhere. The only way to heal this is to heal our own trauma and to forgive.

This is a challenge, but it can be done. (You can see articles on Healing here)

Holding space for others to be amazing, without feeling threatened that our grace and gifts will go unseen is a big step. Understanding that we are all unique is important. What you are is what you are. Anything not meant for you becomes irrelevant because you are here to find that which is meant for you. It is what will bring you the most joy.

In a world that has valued beauty and youth, idolizing them yet also trying to systemically destroy them, the patterns we have developed in our interactions with other women have been unfortunately displaced.

We judge ourselves based on others’ criteria of our worth. We compete for love, affection, attention, when none of that is the way we were designed to operate.

We have had love withheld, when love is the power that sustains all life. That creates suffering until we can find that real love within ourselves. Then we eliminate everything that has had us in the false paradigm of scarcity, seeking outside ourselves for love. We are never threatened by others again.

We realize that anything that can withhold love isn’t love, because love in its truest sense, is effortless and kind. It wants to go into every crevice in your heart and remind you that you are beautiful and worthy of whatever you want.

It does not need to diminish you, put you down, or tell you what to do. It does not need to force you, threaten you or tell you that you’re enough if you don’t do ____.

Your expression of love is yours to define.

Love is generous and accepting. When it takes root in you, or rather, when you finally find it quietly blossoming in your chest, it envelops you and says:
“I love you. I have always loved you, and I’m not going anywhere. I will never leave you. You are never alone.”

Deep breaths :)

Your expression of love is then cleansed as well.

No longer needing the approval of others, no longer relying on another’s opinion to define your worth, you are powerful, one so strong that empowering others around you happens naturally.

You are not complying or competing. You are not fighting or defending. You simply are. That which can be in your presence stays. That which can not, simply leaves.

You radiate love, compassion, understanding. You transmute fear into self-acceptance in you and others, no longer seeing victims or perpetrators, realizing that to be a perpetrator, you start out as a victim. You witness opportunities for healing.

Seeing others as their true selves gives them the permission to step into your vision of them as a whole, happy being, and you can hold that vision for them even when they can’t hold it for themselves.

You do not prescribe a life path or “should’s.” You are present to the nature of nature - to the flow of energy. You simply understand what seeks to heal and what seeks to harm, and you naturally move into the space of health because it becomes the only choice. From that space, your words advise because they are from experience.

You make healthy choices for yourself, so you radiate that for others.
You develop natural boundaries that inform others and help them to set their own.

Beauty doesn’t threaten you. It inspires you.

And when you look into the mirror and fixate on your imperfections, that voice in your chest says “So what? You are beautiful. See yourself the way I see you.”

Your relationship to all things are transformed. Not seeking anything outside of you because you feel incomplete, not doing things out of fear, not needing to compete with anyone for anything because you know that what is yours is yours is the greatest gift you can give to the world.

A healthy person can help others heal. A healthy person naturally heals those around them. A healthy person understands the triggers of others and simply holds space for their healing.

That is ultimately all that is “required” of us - to hold the space of peace.
This balance takes relative time, as we heal our wounds and release our suffering, finding the authentic expression of our love in the world, one informed by our hearts, not our wounds.

As women, we can help one another heal by holding love for one another, that we find that inner peace through self-liberation. This requires introspection and self-inquiry, and we can be the vessels of that compassion for one another by simply loving ourselves and allowing that love to be the primary energy of our being.

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